Fun with Dick and Jane
by Kaori
Summary: This is a parody of a very annoying book for children learning to read. I thought it could use a rewrite and this is what I came up with. Plot hole explained, Relena dies.
1. Shinigami and the Perfect Soldier Demoli...

Who here remembers Dick, Jane, and Spot the dog? How many of you wish you didn't?

Shinigami and the Perfect Soldier Demolish Quatre's House 

AKA Fun with Dick and Jane

By Kaori

See Duo. [Duo appears in the standard bedroom that he shares with Heero. He waves]

See Heero. [Heero appears at the desk.]

See the laptop. [laptop appears in front of Heero and he immediately begins typing]

See Duo get bored. [Duo is sitting on he bed looking bored, no da]

See Duo get an idea. [light bulb appears above Duo's head]

See Duo annoy Heero. [Duo throws stuff at Heero's head.]

See Heero ignore Duo.

See Duo find bigger things to throw. [Duo chucks a chemistry text book and it hits Heero in the back of his head]

See Heero.

See Heero's gun.

See Heero threaten Duo.

Heero: Omae wo korosu.

See Duo taunt Heero. [Duo sticks his tongue out at Heero.] 

Bad Duo. 

See Heero shoot at Duo. 

See Duo run.

Run Duo! Run!

Heero sees Duo run.

Heero chases Duo.

See the china cabinet.

See Quatre's favorite teacups.

See Duo knock over the cabinet trying to get away from Heero.

See the cabinet fall.

See the teacups break.

Heero and Duo do not seem to notice.

See the hangar.

See DeathscytheHELL and Wing ZERO.

See Duo run into the hangar and into DeathscytheHELL.

See DeathscytheHELL fly out of the hangar.

See Heero.

See Heero get into Wing ZERO and chase Duo.

See the gundams.

See the gundams fly around Quatre's house.

See Wing ZERO shoot at DeathscytheHELL.

See stray fire total poor Quatre's house.

See the gundams fly like hell towards the next colony before Quatre comes back.

See the demolished house.

See Quatre's car.

See Quatre get out of the car.

See Quatre look at what used to be his house.

See Quatre go ZERO.

~Owari~ 


	2. Justice Boy

Okay, I couldn't leave this alone. Here's more Fun with Dick and Jane. It's Wufei's turn!

Justice Boy

AKA More Fun with Dick and Jane

By Kaori

See Wufei. [Wufei scowls and flips the bird at the screen. He is immediately thwacked with a big stick.]

See Wufei's katana. [Wufei draws his sword from katana-space.]

See the injustice. [Kaori and her brother, (who we shall be referred to as Cheese-niichan) are sitting at a table with a plate of chicken each. Cheese-niichan has a lot more chicken than Kaori does.]

See Wufei administer justice! [Wufei steals Cheese-niichan's chicken and runs off with it.] Okay maybe not…

See Wufei.

See the stolen chicken.

See Wufei eating chicken.

Wufei: Mmm…oishii yo…

See Kaori.

See Kaori sneak up on Wufei for stealing the chicken that she was going to connive Cheese-niichan out of eventually.

Wufei does not see Kaori.

See Kaori swipe the chicken.

Kaori: Yoink! [runs]

See Wufei chase Kaori.

Wufei: Injustice! [draws his katana]

See Kaori run like hell and eat chicken

See Wufei attempt to administer justice.

See Kaori pull out a convenient plot hole.

See Wufei fall into the plot hole. Poor Wufei…

Wufei: INJUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCEE!!!!

See Kaori finish off the chicken.

See Cheese-niichan.

See Cheese-niichan kick Kaori's butt for writing this stupidness.


	3. Relena Gets What's Coming to Her

Guess what? It's time for more "Dick and Jane"!!!

See Relena.

See Heero.

See Relena glomp Heero.

Relena: Heero!!! Aishiteru!!!

Poor Heero.

Heero: [holding up a sign] Be merciful! Kill me now!! [Wufei suddenly drops from the sky. So _that's_ where that plot hole goes…]

See Wufei.

See the injustice. [i.e. Relena glomping poor Heero.]

See Wufei administer justice!!!

Wufei: ONNA!!! [whips out the katana and stabs at Relena repeatedly.]

See Relena die!

Die, Relena!! Die!!!

Heero sees Relena die!

Happy, happy Heero!!

Heero: [does a very disturbing version of the chicken dance]

Okay…. We didn't need to see that…

Wufei: Injustice…

See Wufei and Heero.

See Wufei and Heero run off to get married in Vegas!!!

Heero and Wufei: WHAT?!!!!!

…or not.


End file.
